Endpoint

As Valentines Day winds down and people get back into their regular relationship routines, I got to thinking about a topic that I have thought about many times before. I thought about how I always see people doing grand gestures and buying expensive gifts for their partners, but it seems like there are usually strings attached. Many people are made to feel that if they don't "put out" on Valentine's day they are not showing appreciation for their partner's gifts. Since when does sex mean showing appreciation? My main issue with this whole scenario is that people are using this whole holiday- a holiday created for people to dote on each other and recognize how lucky they are- to get to sex. What about the rest of the day? What about all of the fun activities and the lovely dinner and the expensive gifts? How pure can the enjoyment of those elements be when there is an expectation for sex? Can all of those things be just as good if there is no sex at the end?

In thinking about this idea, I related it to something else I've been thinking about as I've been reading the Tiefer book and as we watched the Orgasm movie. The movie made a mention of an "endpoint", which immediately got me thinking about how the entire pharmaceutical industry is concerned with the endpoint- the orgasm. But what about the rest of the experience? While we were reading Tiefer I also felt that something was amiss. She had many great arguments for why women are overlooked by sex researchers and why biological reductionism is too simple, but she didn't really talk about refocusing people on enjoying the whole experience rather than the end. As a goal-oriented culture, it makes sense that our society looks for a concrete, measureable endpoint, but sex is more than a means to an end. I think people should be more concerned with enjoying the ride.